Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Attack and the Decay: Part 3.

The Attack and the Decay: Part 3

I place the O2 Meter on the tip of my rough index finger. It’s formed a callous over the years. Beep, beep, beep. Oxygen: 92. Heart rate: 132.

Damn, it’s sped up again.

I pop two green pills and swallow them dry. I never could do that as a child. I used to be frightened that I’d choke without a liquid to supplement them. But now I do not care. Death does not scare me much anymore. It’s a given. I am going to die, I am going to die. What worries me: my former life and those whom I once had.

Will any of them know? Will they care?

And then I see something I did not think of before.

What if one of them has died? What if all of them have? And I never knew.

Those are the thoughts that frighten me. Not ones of death. But ones of my former self. My former being. My former happiness. Everything I left behind. But another time for that. “Carry on. Carry on.”

I sit within my medic-chair and complete the morning regiment. Three Inhalants: 3 minutes, Vibration Cycle: 2 minutes, Pulmonary Cleansing Cycle: 5 minutes. In a matter of ten-minutes time, I am ready to begin my day. I remember when such tasks would last for one whole hour. Back when I lived with them still. Before the time of global corruption. When all we had to worry about were “terrorist attacks,” “weapons of mass destruction,” and a world leader who couldn’t pronounce “strategy.” I’d give anything for those foolish, innocent times. Because though the world seemed crazy, we hadn’t realized the destruction that lay ahead. And at the time, I had them to help me through it. They were there to guide me, love me, teach me. But now the world is shattering – breaking in every direction. The worst I’ve ever witnessed it. And they’re not here. Nowhere to be found. But if you asked them, they’d say it was my doing; it was my choice. Which I suppose I can’t deny. But we must all grow up sometime. And in doing so, we give up some of life’s greatest pleasures. They were mine.


Edited 10.6.09 @ 11:55 PM

Originally Written 6.28.06 @ 5:41 AM

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