Are we hiding or are we lost?

Are we hiding or are we lost?

I'm hiding where you won't be found

living in the underground

Crawling through the dark by day

hoping to be found this way

Preparing for the death of me

with secret prayers you'll set me free

But in the blackness I am blind

can't see that I'm not yours to find

For you're already lost at sea.

Written 12.5.10 @ 12:20 AM

One month since the end...

One month since the end...

Today it's been one month.

Most days I'm okay without you.

But sometimes, some moments,

I feel the loss of your love like a punch to the gut.

And the blow sucks the breath from my lips,

the beat from my heart.

Every last bit.

I know that once the moment passes,

I'll survive somehow.

But in that moment...

I'd burn the very earth on which I stand

to have you back again.

Written 12.3.10 @ 1:10 AM

Lost in your layers

Lost in your layers

There are layers of clouds

Just like the layers of you

I thought the top was the top

But then I fell through

Lost in the haze of your insides

Can't walk away, or swallow my pride

Instead I beg

For the sunshine.

Written 11.3.10 @ 10:30 AM

(On the saddest flight home, and the day that changed everything.)

When I fall asleep

When I fall asleep

The darkness whispers your name

I try not to hear it

But it seeps into my brain

And I wake up crying just the same

As when I fell asleep.

Written 11.7.10 @ 6:01 PM

You Who Flew Away

You Who Flew Away

When I die

(and I will die)

I'll wish that you were there

That you were strong enough to stay.

There will always be traces of you in my heart

They can never fade away

(They were born in there to stay.)

Unlike you

Who flew away

(But it's all right

We all decay

in heart and body anyway.)

But if I were here today

I'd ask for you to stay.

Stay.

Written approximately on 11.4.10

Revised 11.22.10 @ 11:00 PM

Nowhere is home.

Nowhere is home.

You let me call my space with you home. Why would you if you knew I couldn't stay? You should've cut me off at the knees. Would've been cruel, but at least it would be honest. It would've prepared me.

Instead you let me sink so deep into your arms. The one place where I felt safe, where I felt unbreakable.

And then you broke me.

Now nothing is safe, and nowhere is home.

Written 11.18.10 @ 3:33 PM

Our Slanted Room.

Our Slanted Room

We're in bed, but we're not

You're away in dreams and I in thought.

The ceiling calls attention with its slant

For achieving asymmetry I can't.

This beautiful strangeness seduces the eye

Making the world seem too big to hear me cry.

And yet I do, with thoughts of you

Inside our slanted room.

Written 8.31.10 @ 8:50 AM

The Reflection.

The Reflection.

You leave the room
without a word
and I feign ignorance
back to the door
eyes on the screen
but I'm not watching the TV

Only waiting for your reflection
to appear and soften the friction
of this growing void.

Written 8.17.10 @ 1:58 PM