my technicolor boys
The dreams of them come in waves
like the windy lake
behind our childhood home
Their little bodies move
with innocence that soothes
my weary heart of old
And with their tiny palms
they reach out to keep me calm
but then I wake and realize
We've all grown.
(To the sweetest "little boys" I've ever known...)
Written 4.15.13 @ 4:00 PM
Waking Half-Divine
Poetic thoughts in bloom.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
unleashing love.
unleashing love.
Dearest A,
Dearest A,
I call you dearest because even though the
last we spoke, there was tension and awkwardness between us, and even though I
swore to forgive our troubles past and lovingly let you go forever, I still
hold you dear in my heart. It took me some time to realize: I thought I was
successful in releasing you from my troubled heart and starting anew. But I
could sense the bitterness in your tone; there were things left unsaid and
unsettled in your heart. And it made it hard for me to fully let go of your
hold over me. I buried this knowledge so gently, so deeply, that I wasn't even
aware I had done it.
Until a few days ago – as I sat in my
hospital bed waiting for the lungs that would bring me back to life. (The ones
that will truly give me the second
chance at life that all those doctors promised.) And while scrolling along
online to keep my weary mind busy, I stumbled upon your news: You did it, you
followed through...
I knew you had been engaged for the longest time, but I also knew you. (Or thought I knew.) And I never thought this day would come...
I knew you had been engaged for the longest time, but I also knew you. (Or thought I knew.) And I never thought this day would come...
You
looked so handsome in your suit; and she in her quirky cute dress. White with
sparkly flats. I couldn't help but adore her. And your smiles seemed so solid
and true - like a cold, earth-shattering punch to the gut. Like the way you may
feel when stuck in the dredges of depression and you’re suddenly struck by the
most enchanting sunset. And it's so honest and pure and bittersweet, that you
smile through a waterfall of tears.
I didn't know I was still holding on to
you. But in the early morning hours, when my tired mind should be resting, as
my nurses come and go, stirring me off and on, I am stuck awake thinking of
you. And us so long ago. And wondering why I keep dreaming of you when I
haven't in so long, why your happiness is something I'm struggling so hard with
when I thought I had released you.
But then the memories came flooding to my
heart, and I remembered that weekend. Our first weekend away together for your
reserves duty. And how we stayed in that La Quinta Inn and shared our bodies
with each other, the first time for us both. I was young, but not so young.
Twenty seemed like the perfect age to me. And you a year older. It seemed so
right, and I was ready yet scared. But your eyes. It was all in your eyes; I've
never forgotten. You were so tender and even a little scared yourself. All you
wanted to do was love me gently. And you did.
Even though over a year passed us by, and
we had our ups and downs; and even though there was much negativity flowing
between us time and again, I always hold onto that night. I'll always remember
those eyes. So soulful and tender.
But those eyes aren't mine anymore. Maybe
they're not anyone's anymore. Maybe your eyes with her are different. And maybe
it's better that way.
But I want you to know - even though I may
cry, even though I may miss what I once lost, even though we haven't spoken and
may never speak again - I truly wish you happiness. I wish for you to know
yourself and be true to that. And above all, I wish you love.
That is what I offer you, and even her. But
now I have to say goodbye. Because it hurts too much to live in the past, or to
imagine your present. Goodbye, dearest A. And may we both go on knowing, that no
matter what comes and goes on our personal journeys, life is beautiful. And we
are love.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
love whispers at my bedside.
love whispers at my bedside.
Each soul sings a different tune
their eyes, from light to dark
some soft, smooth, heavy through
each smiling for their part
covering sounds of every mood
they whisper, plead with heart
Telling me, “It’ll all be over soon.”
Written 3.19.13 @ 6:42 PM
Friday, November 23, 2012
the clearing
The little girl lay coughing in the darkness of her room.
Eyes open, breath returned, she whispers late but soon.
Asks why does she cough, and her mother speaks to soothe:
says she's spitting out the demons that bore with her from the womb.
Asks why does she cough, and her mother speaks to soothe:
says she's spitting out the demons that bore with her from the womb.
Written 11.23.12 @ 1:05 PM
Saturday, September 1, 2012
shine the light
shine the light
You seek a life
of loneliness and solitude
calling it the truth
but we can all live happiness -
the light waiting to be lit
deep inside of you.
Written 9.1.12 @ 9:40 AM
You seek a life
of loneliness and solitude
calling it the truth
but we can all live happiness -
the light waiting to be lit
deep inside of you.
Written 9.1.12 @ 9:40 AM
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Bark to Body
(A three-year-old poem rediscovered.)
Bark to Body
I sat between two trees
as if they were embracing me
the air warm for the season
we found balance in the breeze
The cool earth lay beneath us
as we connected, bark to body
and I learned to find humanity there
when I was all but lost.
Written 1.26.09 @ 2:16 PM
Bark to Body
I sat between two trees
as if they were embracing me
the air warm for the season
we found balance in the breeze
The cool earth lay beneath us
as we connected, bark to body
and I learned to find humanity there
when I was all but lost.
Written 1.26.09 @ 2:16 PM
Monday, March 26, 2012
blue haze
blue haze
dusk-kissed
everything lays flatter
our bodies shift
loose particles and matter
slow-motion
everything falls under
the spell, the romance
sweeping beryl wonder
all-loved
every shadow's riper
the world around
grows deeper, dark, and brighter
quick the end
of every haze, dark's quicker
but in its echoes
'reprise' is what you whisper.
Written 3.26.12 @ 9:30 PM
Thursday, November 24, 2011
love blooms (in) waking death
love blooms (in) waking death
standing in wake
of the trembling tide,
holding her weight
though drowning inside
but love cannot sink
or be cast aside
the whole of it blooms
never to die.
Written 11.24.11 @ 10:50 AM
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